20 Minutes
by losamantesclandestinos
Summary: A lot can happen in twenty minutes. Ed Tucker finds that out the hard way. Tuckson one-shot set during Surrendering Noah.


Author's Note: This story is a birthday present for bellatrix wannabe 89 who has been one of my writing inspirations. I love you and have a great day!

Disclaimer and background note: _For the sake of this story,_ _Liv and Tucker have been in an (quasi) established relationship for about eight - nine months._ _All recognizable dialogue belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC. Most quotes taken from_ _ **Surrendering Noah**_ _._

 _ **I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.**_

 _ **-F. Scott Fitzgerald**_

… _..._

 _A lot can happen in twenty minutes._

 _People are born._

 _People die._

 _People say hello._

 _And people wave goodbye._

 _And sometimes people, well, they fall in love. It doesn't always take as long as people think it does. Sometimes everything crystalizes in a matter of moments. What was hazy and uncertain all of a sudden becomes quite clear._

 _All in the space of 1200 seconds, the world can totally change._

… _..._

"Thank you for meeting me here." Liv gave Tucker a tight, strained smile.

"Okay, well, enough with the small talk. Does your squad know about the situation?"

He asks her quietly.

There's concern in his eyes but he's very careful to keep his face impassive. They're both out in public, after all. And while they've seeing each other for the past many months, both of them have been very careful not to go where there was even a chance they could run into people from their squads. It's required some very careful maneuvering but they were making it work.

She isn't ready for them to go public yet and he respects that, especially given the bad blood between IAB and Manhattan's Special Victims Unit. It'd be a lot for the unit to handle knowing they were even cordial to one another, much less…whatever they were, whatever this thing was. Neither of them are much for labels.

"They do now." She sighs, stirring at her tea, worry lines carved into her face. She turned and looked at him. "Just to be clear, I did not know that Johnny D was Noah's biological father until after the arrest."

Just why it's so important to her that he believe her is not something she wants to examine too closely. Not right now.

Tucker just looks at her intently.

 _I believe you, Olivia_.

"All-right," He said quietly, "the ME confirms your story, we don't have a problem. I mean, you probably shoulda kept it to yourself."

Olivia gives him a _no shit, Sherlock_ glance but doesn't say a knows he's right but lying again? No way in hell was she going to risk the potential repercussions taking that road could bring.

 _Lying doesn't work out well for me._

But she can't tell him that now, can she?

"Look, Olivia," he expands on his statement, "the scumbag's gonna use whatever leverage he has. You don't want to give him anymore ammo."

 _He's got enough._

Despite her calm demeanor, he senses the very real fear underneath her calm facade so he does what he can to reassure her, in his own way.

"But either way, as far as IAB is concerned, you have no liability."

 _You're good, Liv. No trouble from this corner._

And the tension melts out of her shoulders and she thaws up enough to give him a slight smile.

"That's reassuring." She says, slightly sarcastically, taking a sip from her tea.

"Look, Benson, we're not out to nail you any chance we get." He explains.

She quirks an eyebrow at him, a faint smile on her face as if to say, "Oh _really_?"

 _Because, well, a few nights ago that's not the song you were singing._

 _Okay, not so much singing as, well, groaning._

She grins slightly.

Tucker shrugs, a faint smirk ghosting across his face.

 _Okay, well, maybe_ _ **I'M**_ _out to nail you, and in many different ways and positions, but that's not the point._

" _Is that tea?"_ Tucker asks a slight look of disgust on his face. And Olivia can't help but grin a little at the look on his face. "It is. Is there a problem?" There's a slight twinkle in her eye now. She does like to see the buttoned up Lieutenant squirm.

Maybe she'll make him squirm some more later… Because that's always fun – their little fight for dominance.

It's even more enjoyable in the bedroom when she's got him at her mercy... flicking and rolling her tongue over the hardness of him, feeling his breath hitch just a little bit right before he...

"Man up, will you?" Tucker jolts her out of her rather enjoyable daydream.

 _Goddammit, Benson, get a grip. And, not that kind of grip. Although, he might like that...in fact, he'd definitely like that._

 _Wait, he_ _ **has**_ _liked that._

"Oh, fine."

Smirking a little, she's decided she's going to let him think he's won. For now.

Truth be told, she could use something harder than tea anyway. The thought of Johnny D using Noah as leverage, it just fills her with an unspeakable dread and terror. And she's gone over the details of what Drake has done to those girls so many times, she just wants to forget for now. There'll be time later for remembering. To think of that man anywhere near her son (because he IS hers, in all but DNA)...she doesn't even want to think about it.

There's a gawping hole in her stomach when she goes too far down that path.

"That was easy."

 _Oh,_ _ **really**_ _? I'll show you easy, Ed Tucker._

"I'll take two glasses…" He opens his mouth to order probably his usual bourbon.

"…. of the Nero D'Avola…" Benson orders smoothly, trying not to grin at his somewhat stunned face.

 _Benson, what the fuck even_ _ **is**_ _that?_

She looks over at Tucker, a smirk on her face.

 _Like I said, I'll show you easy_.

It's Tucker's turn to raise an eyebrow.

 _Payback's a bitch, Sergeant_.

To his satisfaction, he sees a little tinge of red spread over her cheeks.

She may have been remembering the last time he turned the tables on her – she'd been spread underneath him, gripping his cotton sheets, while he was driving into her, mouth fused on hers.

That might have been last week.

Payback can actually be delightful.

"Look," she says abruptly, still a bit red, breaking the tension between them. There'd be time enough for enjoying that later, "as long as you're here, I want to run something by you."

"Sure." He leans back, taking a drink of his red wine. It isn't bad – she's got good taste. But he already knew that.

"You told me when you last visited to think about my number two. Well, Nick Amaro has registered for the Sergeant's exam and I think he'd do very well as my number two."

Suddenly, Tucker looks a little uncomfortable. "About that…it doesn't matter if he does well on the test." He locks gazes with her steadily, with a touch of pity. "He's damaged goods."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Tucker?" Olivia's eyes narrowed. "He's a solid cop. And, lately, he's turned stuff around. He's really trying. And he's good police, you know that."

"He shot an unarmed kid, chased after three others with a baseball bat, beat an innocent suspect…" Olivia breaks in before Tucker can go any further down his "reasons we hate Amaro" list.

"Stop, Ed." She hisses his name. "He was exonerated in all of those!"

"Technically, yeah," Tucker says bluntly, "but, as far One PP is concerned, Amaro could cure cancer and they're still not gonna promote him." Olivia doesn't say anything for a long, tense minute and Tucker can tell she is angry.

He gets it but he's not going to sugarcoat it for her. It'd be unfair of him to let her think the outcome would be other than it would probably be. She would hate him for it later. And the thought of them ever returning to their former hostilities makes him very uncomfortable.

Despite his own cautious nature, Ed Tucker's found that he's developed a rather large soft spot for this battle-weary sergeant. Truth be told, he's never truly hated her – although, the two of them, Benson and Stabler, could be gigantic pains in IAB's asses.

They never could make things fucking easy on themselves.

But it's surprised him how hard and how quickly he's fallen for her. What had started out as two people just bouncing ideas off of one another in friendly comradery had turned into nights of rather intense and amazing sex and comfortable companionship. It's been months now and every time he wakes up next to her, it never ceases to amaze him just how **right** it feels.

But he still has to be the asshole sometimes.

It's a shitty life that he's chosen.

"I know you like the guy..." Tucker says quietly and somberly, "but it's never gonna happen."

"Got it, thanks." She says curtly, her smile tight and her eyes chilly.

 _You don't need to rub it in_.

Tucker sighs inwardly. He knows tonight is not going to be one of the nights she invites him back. There are things that, no matter how true they are, will never be good to hear and, even though he's just the messenger, he's going to be blamed for it. As far as she's concerned, he's the face of IAB and One PP, to some extent.

Their little drink hour ends abruptly early that night. And there are no nightcaps this time.

…...

"Tucker!" His boss barks at him.

It's been a long couple of weeks and the way things had ended with Olivia had been bothering him. Clearly, he was slipping on hiding things because even his CO had noted that he had been a lot crankier and abrasive than normal. Maybe you need a vacation, he had suggested.

Truth of the matter was, he missed Olivia. That last conversation between them had ended badly, she had clearly resented his comments on her 'golden child' but what the hell was he supposed to do? Fucking lie to her to make her feel better for a couple weeks?

He wasn't going to do that.

He nods abruptly at his Captain.

"There's been a shooting at the court building. Johnny Drake decided to do suicide by cop." His captain says, lines of worry etched on his face. "A detective, judge, and CO all were hit. Johnny Drake and another cop are dead. The injured are en route Bellevue, they're not sure how serious the injuries are on some of them. I need you to meet the squad at Bellevue, get statements. How the fuck did this happen?"

Tucker's heart nearly froze. _Goddammit, Olivia. I warned you to be careful of Drake_.

"Do we have the identity of the injured detective?" He asks quietly, trying hard to keep the fear out of his voice. He's dealt with this many times. He can fake it.

"Unknown. Just find out what the hell happened with this clusterfuck." His captain barks out and walks back to his office.

Tucker doesn't need to be told twice. Getting a couple other officers, he heads off to Bellevue, trying very hard not to be seen running to his vehicle.

Those are the longest twenty minutes of his life.

…...

"Can't this damn thing go any faster?"

"Blame the traffic, Lieutenant."

"Any news from Bellevue?"

"Not in the last 3 minutes that you asked, sir."

Tucker spent the rest of those twenty minutes staring out at the New York sky.

It had never seemed to be more cold or less friendly.

…...

Benson's pacing the floor. It's been only an hour since the shooting in the courtroom but it feels like so much longer. She vaguely remembered shouting at Nick to not go out there but maybe that had been in her head and maybe she hadn't yelled it at all. The memories are so hazy now, like she's underwater...and why can't she just fucking remember?

 _Oh, Nick, you stupid, crazy, heroic, wonderful man...why the hell did you do that?_

There had been so much blood... and he had been lying there so still on the floor.

" _But we'll get through this."_

" _Yes, we will."_

Had she really said that to him not so long ago? It felt like years. And she feels like a liar now, a million times over.

Because she was not sure they could ever get through this. And that uncertainty is more than she can bear.

"Sergeant Benson," she hears a familiar, oddly comforting voice piercing the misty fog that is her own brain. Looking straight, she locks gazes with Ed Tucker. And she's never been so strangely glad to see someone in her life. Their last conversation had ended badly; she had been so damned angry at him for his critique of Amaro. A large part of her had wanted to chalk his words up to resentment of her squad and for many, many days she'd gone back to just detesting him.

Until she had calmed down and realized he was trying to help her. As he had been doing for months. He'd been only giving it to her straight, and she'd known it. But to hear her own niggling doubts about Amaro's suitability confirmed by Tucker...it had been embarrassing. Aggravating.

He can be such a goddamned pain in the ass. And, yet...what there is between her and him, it feels right. But now's not the time to even think about this. Not when her partner's blood is coating her jacket. She doesn't have the right.

"Lieutenant Tucker." She's proud that she manages to keep her voice steady, despite the terror of the last couple hours. Her hands are still stained with Nick's blood and her blazer is covered in it. Benson sees Tucker's eyes flicker over her, frantically searching for something.

 _You're all-right, Olivia?_

Tucker had never been so relieved to see someone alive and unharmed. Those twenty minutes in the car, when he hadn't known the identity of the cop shot, had felt like an eternity. And he hadn't even had a chance to apologize for their last meeting...hadn't even gotten a chance to tell her...aw, hell.

He was so thoroughly fucked. He'd gone and fallen in love with her and hadn't even known it.

Between his office and here, all in the space of twenty minutes.

She can read the question in his cool blue eyes and beneath the steel, she can read the concern, the unbridled relief that it isn't her body that was picked up off that floor. That it isn't her blood that covers her clothes.

And there's something even more there but she's too rattled to analyze it. Doesn't have

She simply nods. "Nick Amaro, he's the one who took the bullets."

"He's going to be okay?" Tucker asks, with genuine concern. He's not just saying it to be polite.

"Yeah." She exhales loudly. "He took a bullet to the liver, which they've taken care of, now they're working on the knee." Benson puts her hands in her pockets; she doesn't want her squad to see them shaking. Biting her lip, she looks off towards where Carisi had gone. And she's embarrassed to feel moisture behind her eyes.

 _Goddammit, not now, not here._ W _here's that coffee?_

"Johnny D?" Tucker asks.

"He's dead." Olivia's voice cracks a little. "Another court officer too. The judge and another CO, they got hit too." _There had been so much blood_... _can this day be over?_ She'd scrubbed and scrubbed until her hands were raw to get the feel of blood off her hands. It was too much. And she can still feel it seeping into her skin.

 _Get me away from here._

She just wants to get home to Noah, to her son. Wants to feel his chubby cheeks against hers. Her light among the shadows. Maybe just holding him can take away the feel of her partner's blood on her hands.

 _Mommy's almost home, baby. Almost home_.

"What the hell was he thinkin'?" Rollins asks, in complete disbelief, "grabbin' a gun, shootin' a judge and a court officer? No way was he getting out of there alive."

"That's exactly what he was thinking." Tucker says grimly, face set in hard lines.

 _Suicide by cop_.

"Walk with me for a few minutes, Benson." He says abruptly.

"I'll be right back, Rollins." Olivia says, "This will only take a few moments."

"Okay, Sarge." Rollins' acknowledging smile is shaky at best and her eyes are shadowed, clearly so preoccupied with Amaro's condition that she doesn't even blink twice at her Sergeant walking out with the Lieutenant from IAB.

Olivia and Tucker walk out of Bellevue and stroll towards one of the alley ways. It's a relief to get out of the heat of the hospital. It had been getting so crowded in there and she just...the scent of it all and Nick's blood still on her jacket. She was finding it so hard to breathe.

"Olivia." He says quietly. _Tell me the truth._ "Are you okay?"

Liv looks at him bravely. "I'm fine." Because she always is.

An eyebrow raised, he's clearly got the _I'm not buying that_ look on his face. Well, that's just too bad for him because that's what she is determined to sell him. She can't lose it now.

"About Amaro and before..." he says, in a low voice, "...I'm sorry. I was harsh."

The smile she gives him is pained and shaky. "Don't be. You were just telling me the truth. Though you can be a real bastard sometimes, you know that?"

Tucker's smile back is slightly forced and more than a little rueful. "So I've been told." _Rat bastard. Fucking bastard. Take your pick – I've been called them all._

"I just...this whole day." Olivia's breath is shaky and all of a sudden she's trembling. Adrenaline and the aftermath can be a real bitch. "A little stressful, you know what I mean?" She looks at him, trying to smile a little, to reassure him that she's just fine – because she's always fine – but it isn't working. She can't fool him.

"C'mere." Tucker says quietly. She hesitates.

"Benson." He says firmly. "No one's watching. They're all inside."

And she lets him pull her into him. Tucker pulls her close and she puts her head down on his shoulder. Rather awkwardly, he rubs her shoulder. Comforting has never really been his thing, he's more used to intimidating and staring down perps and suspects. This...it's all new territory and it's unfamiliar and strange.

As for Olivia…she's so glad that he's here with her, right now. It feels as if she's been searching for something she hadn't really been consciously aware of and now she's finally found it. And she's holding on to him like he's her lifeline, embracing the rightness of it all.

And, in a way, despite the whole awkwardness of it all, it's as if she is his lifeline too. Tucker pulls her tighter against him, his head against hers, still unsure what to say or do. He's not used to her turning to him for _comfort_. That's never been their thing.

But things change so quickly. Especially in twenty minutes.

"Just tell me it's going to be okay." She tries to keep the pleading out of her voice because, dammit, she's strong and she's brave and she's fucking _fine_.

"Olivia," he says helplessly, "I can't. With a knee injury like this..."

"Ed, I don't want to hear it." Liv glares at him and he can see un-shed tears in her brown eyes. Because if he tells her what she's afraid of, then it becomes real. And she'd rather just live a comfortable untruth right now. It's about all she can handle. Because she's got a feeling that there will be more uncomfortable truths in the days to come and she'd rather just pretend. If only for a moment.

"Just lie to me."

So he holds her close and tells her exactly what she wants to hear. He lies to her because just for today she needs to live with the comfortable lies. The ones that people find their solace in.

And he might have whispered he loves her because where's the harm in that? She may not want to make what they have into something _more_ but he's safe to say those words right now because she won't believe him. And that's fine with him.

He just wants her to be okay.

And what does it really matter?

She probably doesn't hear those words anyway, he says them so softly.

But, if he was paying closer attention, he may have heard those same words whispered softly back, swallowed up by the wool of his coat.

 _I love you too._

...

 _ **Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.**_ _\- James Baldwin_


End file.
